The future she wanted hadn't changed. Her relationship with that future had.
Natascha wanted a loving marriage.
Consciously, there was no question about it. She wanted to share her life with a husband. She could imagine the relationship and the marriage she wanted to create. But wanting it consciously was only part of what was happening.
When she allowed herself to move towards that possibility, her system had responded very differently. There was panic, stress, and an impulse to push the very thing she wanted away.
Then something began to change.
What she was experiencing
There can be an enormous difference between wanting a future and experiencing that future as something we can safely welcome into our lives.
For Natascha, the possibility of having the relationship and marriage she wanted had previously created a significant internal response. As she later described it: “Before, my system had triggered so much panic and stress and pushed all of that away from me.”
This is one of the contradictions that can be difficult to understand. We can consciously say: “This is what I want.” And yet our response to that very possibility can be: “This is dangerous.”
The result is not necessarily a conscious decision to reject what we want. Sometimes we simply find ourselves unable to fully move towards it, receive it or even comfortably imagine ourselves living it.
Identity Shift Experience™
Natascha participated in the Identity Shift Experience™ — a live transformational experience exploring the gap between knowing what we want and being able to move towards it.
The session looks beyond motivation, discipline and conscious intention to explore something deeper: What if part of us is still organised around the reality we already know?
During the experience, participants move through a guided Identity ReCode process designed to begin releasing the invisible structures keeping them attached to their current reality and create greater internal safety for change.
Natascha went through that process. What became particularly interesting was what she began noticing afterwards.
What began to change
A month after the session, Natascha wrote to me: The possibility of marriage had not disappeared. The panic around it had.
She described the change this way:
I’m increasingly coming to realise that my entire system — that is, my nervous system, psyche, mind and so on — has got used to the idea that I will definitely have a husband, and I can genuinely look forward to it without anything inside me setting off a major alarm.
This wasn't simply a new thought she was trying to convince herself to believe. She began noticing that she could actually engage with the possibility differently.
She wrote approximately 11 pages about herself, her future husband and their marriage. And instead of the process feeling stressful, she enjoyed it. In her words: “I really enjoyed it and thoroughly relished the flow of writing that came from it.”
She also created a vision board for the first time in a long time. She began looking at it when she woke up and before going to sleep — not trying to force herself to believe in the possibility, but enjoying what she described as the faith and anticipation connected with it.
Something she had previously pushed away had become something she could allow herself to move towards.
Perhaps the clearest description of the shift came from Natascha herself:
The desire hadn't changed, as she wanted the relationship before the session, and she wanted it afterwards. What changed was her experience of wanting it.
The possibility that had previously activated panic and stress could now be met with anticipation. The future itself hadn't needed to become different. Her relationship with that future had.
What else happened afterwards
Natascha also described further changes in the period following the session. She wrote about experiencing what she considered another powerful healing relating to her former partner, with whom she shares a daughter. She described forgiving him and reaching a new understanding of what she felt she had lost through that relationship.
Her Christian faith was an important part of how she understood and navigated this subsequent experience, including what she described as reclaiming for herself, through the Bible and God's Word, the marriage and future she believed were meant for her.
These later experiences were part of Natascha's own continuing journey, and she connected the broader period of change with what had begun after the Identity Shift Experience™.
“All of this happened after your session, and I’m so grateful that you offer these sessions, as they’re incredibly helpful for me.”
Sometimes the problem isn't that we don't want something enough
We often assume that if we truly wanted something, we would naturally move towards it. So when we don't, we question ourselves...
We often assume that if we truly wanted something, we would naturally move towards it. So when we don't, we question ourselves...
- Maybe I'm not motivated enough
- Maybe I don't believe strongly enough
- Maybe I'm afraid
- Maybe I'm sabotaging myself
- Maybe I need more discipline
- Maybe I need to visualise it more
But Natascha's experience illustrates another possibility....
We can consciously want a different reality while our existing structure is still responding to that reality as something unfamiliar or unsafe.
Trying harder to want it does not necessarily resolve that contradiction. Neither does simply knowing what we should do. This is why the Identity Shift Experience™ begins somewhere else.
Not with: “How do I make myself do it?”
But with: “What is keeping me attached to the reality I already know?”
— Natascha, Identity Shift Experience™ participant
Perhaps you already know what you want. You know the decision, the relationship, the business move, the opportunity, the next level, the life you would like to experience... And perhaps you have wondered why, despite knowing what you want, you still don't seem to move fully towards it.
The answer may not be that you need to want it more.
The Identity Shift Experience™ is an opportunity to begin releasing that attachment and create greater internal safety for change.